My name is Nikita, I’m a thirty-six-year-old female with a long history of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I started to display symptoms from around seven-years-old, so I’m talking practically all of my life or at least as far back as I can remember, I have lived with this. Anybody who’s had experience with OCD as a sufferer or as a relative/friend of a sufferer, will understand just how difficult it can be to live with. I have found OCD to be a very lonely and distressing condition as well as doing a wonderful job of ensuring most of my days are packed to the rafters with worry, panic, nervousness, nausea, embarrassment and crippling anxiety. These emotions are largely due to the intrusive thoughts and the need to complete seemingly pointless rituals in the hope they will neutralise any worries that plague an OCD sufferer. It is the irrationality of the overt and covert symptoms of OCD that make each personal experience practically impossible to share, therefore OCD is often referred to as the ‘secret’ illness.
Like most sufferers I’ve talked to over the years, I find it mentally and physically exhausting, trying to keep my illness hidden from the public and making excuses to justify some of the odd things that my family, friends and colleagues have witnessed me do. It has affected my work, my family and my university days, it’s so easy to become OCD’s prisoner, and although the idea of blogging about my experience is causing a whole new genre of OCD and anxiety in me, I have decided to take the secret out of my OCD and start talking openly about it. I want to share my story with fellow sufferers.
Over the years, I’ve talked to many people who suffer with OCD and during these conversations, we often conclude that talking about it without the fear of ridicule, really helps the mind. Therefore, I feel it’s important to share how it affects all aspects of my life. I’m also going to cover topics relating to mental health, the mind and the physical symptoms and side-effects of living with such a stress inducing condition. Some topics may seem a little tenuous from time to time but they’ll certainly be thought provoking, despite my interest in these other topics, OCD is what I know best, not sure if that’s a good thing…lolz!
OCD is a common thread in my family, my great grandma, grandma, mum and sister all have OCD, but it would seem that my case is a little more severe than any of theirs… Says who? Of course. Well I base this analysis on how OCD has affected my life and health in comparison to my other affected relatives. That said, a psychiatrist who I was under in 2005 also gave weight to this theory when she credited me as being one of the most severe cases she had ever met.
All the stories will come over time. I hope you enjoy reading my blog and I hope at the very least, (if you are a sufferer of OCD) you can take some comfort from knowing you aren’t suffering alone.
It is important to add that I’m NOT a Medical Doctor or Psychiatrist, this blog is my own personal experience, my own opinions and ideas about this condition and my own interests related to the condition.