Breaking News! Mother of two reveals how she lives with severe pain all over her body everyday and is unable to work and function. Purchase this weeks ‘We aren’t celebrities so no one gives a fuck’ for full exclusive details!


Who is this mother of two with chronic pain and why would anybody be interested in her? Has she auditioned for the X-Factor?


Oh right she’s been on Love Island or in the Big Brother house, then?


Oh okay so who is she?

She’s an ordinary person facing a brave battle everyday, bringing up her children, desperate to be able to work again so she can provide for her children.

Oh okay. Is that it?

She also has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Oh yes I’ve heard of that, isn’t that the lazy person disease?

Not quite.

I’m still not sure why you think I’d be interested in this.

Well she also suffers with a debilitating mental health condition called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Oh yeah, yes I’ve heard of that, I wish I had OCD then my house would be clean all of the time.

Hmmm. I’m sorry I think we have grossly miscalculated the public interest in this story. I knew we should have ran the story about Benedict Cumberbatch liking bystanders filming him on their smart phones, whilst acting scenes in public places.


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